If you read my blog, then hopefully, you have read one of my absolute favorite pieces, “How Being A Blind Mom Is Like Being on the Walking Dead.” I am a huge, super fan of the show. From 9pm to 10pm every Sunday, I don’t want to be bothered by anyone. No kids clawing at me. No husband looking for some “sexy time.” No laptop open for blogging. It’s just me, Rick Grimes and some hungry Walkers.
On February 14th, the Walking Dead debuted its mid-season premiere. Because ya’ know nothing says “romance” like the zombie apocalypse. I was literally bouncing on my couch cushions waiting for the show to start.
When The Walking Dead left off in December, Rick and his crew including: his son Carl, baby daughter Judith, Michonne, Preacher Gabriel, Jessie (Rick’s smoking hot, newly widowed love interest) and Jessie’s two sons, Sam and Ron, used some old bedsheets to cover themselves with zombie guts. The point of this masquerade is to hide their human scent so they can sneak through the herd of walkers that’s taken over their town of Alexandria.
Soon enough, Rick decides he’s going to let Preacher Gabriel take Baby Judith back to the town church to keep her safe while the rest of the group heads to retrieve cars at a different location.
I wouldn’t let Gabriel hold my cell phone, let alone my daughter, but I digress.
It’s at this point that Jessie suggests, her youngest son, Sam, should also go to the church. After a lot of pleading and whining about how he “can do this,” Jessie caves and allows Sam to come with the group.
EPIC PARENTING FAIL, JESSIE! EPIC!
The group marches on and within minutes, Sam, has a psychotic break and starts mumbling to himself, making just enough noise for some walkers to bite into his head while his mother looks on.
Hey Jessie, we all knew he “couldn’t do this.” So long, Sam!
Unable to get over the shock of watching her son become a zombie buffet, Jessie starts screaming and also gets bitten.
Even her hotness couldn’t save her! POOR JESSIE!
Rick, loses his mind for a second, with flashbacks of his girlfriend going off in his head as he watches her get torn apart before his eyes. Jessie had been holding Carl’s (Rick’s son) hand during the attack and despite being torn to shreds, she won’t let go! Carl, calls for his dad, who’s still in the middle of “la-la land”.
Poor Rick, just can’t seem to keep his ladies alive.
Finally, he snaps out of it, taking a hatchet from his belt and chopping off Jessie’s arm! WOW!
During the ordeal, Carl drops his weapon. No worries, Jessie’s son, Ron, picks it up! Last season, Rick killed his abusive father, now his brother and mother have just been eaten right in front of him.
“YOU,” Ron says, as he lifts the gun, pointing at Rick and firing.
I was totally convinced it was good-bye Rick Grimes. But in true Walking Dead fashion, Michonne, sneaks up from behind and slices Ron in half with her katana. BYE RON!
But wait…. I heard a shot. Where did it go…right through Carl’s eye.
Carl turns to his father, revealing the gaping, bloody hole before he collapses.
My Shock Over The Walking Dead
I sat on my couch, literally shaking. Yeah, shaking. My husband touched my arm and asked me if I was “okay.” “Sure, it’s just a TV show” I said and I went into the kitchen to refill our snacks. My husband followed me into the kitchen. He didn’t say anything. He just stood there. “What?” I asked. “Nothing”, he said and he walked back into the living room.
That’s the thing about being married to someone who knows you so well, you don’t have to say anything for them to know when you’re upset. My husband knew what I had just seen transpire on my favorite show bothered me. Hell, it shook me to my core. Why? Because even though I lost my vision four years ago, I’m still dealing with the aftermath. It’s my own personal apocalypse and it totally SUCKS!
Presently, I can only see out of one eye and it’s a very minimal amount of vision. My doctors have been debating on whether or not I will have to have my left eye, what they refer to as the “dead eye”, removed in the near future. We were even referred to a doctor who specializes in eye prosthetics. I’m still weighing my options, but it’s scary – way more frightening than taking on a walker.
Seeing Carl from The Walking Dead standing there, a hole where his eye once was, made me want to gag. Is this what I was going to look like? Is this what my husband is supposed to find attractive? Is this what my two daughters would be stuck with? One minute I’m shoveling M&M’s into my mouth watching my favorite show and the next minute a pity party commenced.
I’m 36 years old and my life has been a series of lifetime-movie-worthy obstacles. I fought cancer. I went blind. I got pregnant. I’m raising two babies. I’m losing more vision and possibly an eye. Oh, and throughout this whole process I am supposed to stay relatively pleasant, psychologically sane and be a productive member of society?
Well, excuse me, but it’s FRICKEN’ exhausting.
I am sure there are many people who, if faced with the circumstances of my life, would be lying somewhere in the fetal position.
So why, like Carl, do I fight for survival?
I just don’t know any other way to be.
I’ve been fighting my whole life. Seems kind of silly to throw in the towel now, right? That being said, I still have those instances, like during this episode of the Walking Dead, where silly things get to me. It happens and it’s okay.
Despite the shock of Carl’s eye loss, I’ll still be watching my favorite show every Sunday. I’m hopeful the writers and actors will do a good job of accurately portraying the psychological impact of vision loss. I’ll continue to blog about it and maybe you’ll continue to read it.
None of us are perfect and for those of us who have been through personal trauma, it’s okay to “occasionally” let things get to us. However, you have to find a way to rise above your circumstances. Ask yourself are you the “survivor” or are you the “walker buffet?” Eye or no eye, hand me that katana. Pass me the Glock. Carl and I are going to make it because we’ve chosen to be survivors. Yeah, it’s a choice. And that’s how we roll.