The subject of sex is very uncomfortable for a lot of people. Talking about sex when your partner is disabled amplifies that discomfort into an entirely different realm. Regardless of how you feel about intimacy, it’s safe to say most adults have or have had sex. The blind are absolutely no different. We can pump up the Marvin Gaye and rock someone’s world just as good, if not better, than any sighted person. Trust me (wink, wink).
Romance and sex are two completely different things. In an ideal relationship, you shouldn’t have one without the other. I’ve been married to my husband for 14 years; we’ve been together a total of 18 years. We made love when I was sighted and we continued after I became blind. Two beautiful babies later, I’m not ashamed to say that I think my man is very sexy. Sorry mom!
Still curious about what it’s like to romance a blind person? Pay attention as this blind momma divulges some secrets from my seemingly darker boudoir.
- Make The Feeling Mutual: I don’t need any favors, sexual or otherwise, because I’m blind. I want to be satisfied by my husband and I want to make sure he is as well. Sex with someone you love needs to be about meeting the needs of both people in the relationship. Funny, I’m pretty sure it’s that way for sighted people too.
- Smell Good: Hold on, wait a second. I am not saying this because the visually impaired population is “supposed” to have a better sense of smell than sighted people. That’s crap by the way. I am telling you this because nobody wants to do the deed with a stinky partner. Shower. Please. Put on cologne. Wear deodorant. Ladies, use some scented lotion or perfume. Sighted or blind, a feast for the senses almost always leads to some fabulous sexy time.
- Listen Up: Plug in your favorite playlist and set the mood. Make sure your song choice works for both of you. You don’t want John Legend blasting in the background when listening to Adele really revs your engine. Don’t be afraid to talk to you partner, and I’m not referring to an X-rated conversation. Communicate, really communicate. Enjoy your time together. As a mother of two toddlers, I love alone time with my husband. It gives us a chance to reconnect and rekindle our “couple status.” Trust me sighted readers…. you need to listen. Oh, and blind readers – the same rules apply.
- Make Me Feel Beautiful/Handsome: After I had my children, I could literally feel the stretch marks lining my abdomen. Even though I couldn’t visually see them, I have to admit I was pretty self-conscious about my stomach post partum. My husband picked up on my discomfort and told me I was more beautiful to him after I had his children than before. If you want to be intimate with your partner – make them feel beautiful, handsome…. special. I want to be the girl of your dreams and your partner should be the equivalent. Hmmmm…I can only assume sighted people also want to feel desirable in the romance department.
- Touch Me: Get your minds out of the gutter! Nothing is sexier than when my husband holds my hand or sweeps the hair from my face. The sensation of touch enhances all things romantic. Touching me doesn’t need to lead to sex. His touch let’s me know he’s there, even if his face is blurred by my lack of vision. I think we can all agree being present with touch is very sexy.
- Lights on, Lights off (WHO CARES): Congratulations, if you’ve ever had sex in the dark then you officially know what it feels like to have sex when you’re blind! Good for you! The experience should also remind you things like smell, touch, and sound can work for or against you when you’re trying to be intimate with your partner. It doesn’t matter if you get romantic in your bedroom or in some swanky hotel. Keep the romance alive by being a considerate, loving partner and you’ll always “SCORE” … with or without eyesight.
Curiosity aside, remember blind people and sighted people are not so different when it comes to relationships. We all want to be loved, treasured, and appreciated when we enjoy intimacy with our partners. Sex without romance is just sex. You don’t need perfect vision to appreciate that.