Dear Shop From Home:
I think it’s time to lay it all out there.
I’m old enough to know “healthy” relationships take work, and you, my dear Shop from Home, have left me feeling unappreciated and neglected.
I’m a mom and I’ve got a family to feed.
That means I depend on “YOU” to get it “RIGHT.”
Not when you feel like it.
But ALL THE FRICKEN’ TIME.
And that didn’t happen today, Shop From Home.
You did me dirty.
You toyed with my emotions and frankly, I’m pissed.
I took an hour out of my Sunday to place my $250.00 order.
I even used your cheesy CINCO DE MAYO coupon (as if that really put a dent in my bill.)
I booked my order for 9 am today – time enough for me to drop one kid off at pre-school and hustle home to greet your delivery driver.
Easy Peazy, right?
Oh Shop From Home, you are delusional.
A “nameless” young woman called my cell at 7:30 am to review the items you didn’t have in stock.
Because of course, you’re always out of something.
She woke me before my alarm clock. Then, as if in some fevered dream, rambled something about not having any “COLE-GOT.”
I’ll admit, I had no idea what the hell she was talking about.
It was only when she said the word “toothbrush” that I realized she was speaking about “COLGATE.”
This kid didn’t know how to pronounce “COLGATE.”
Think I am being too judgemental?
Think I was half asleep dearest Shop From Home?
Sadly, the butchery of the English language continued when your employee told me she was out of “CHUR-BOOBS.”
In case you’re wondering, what she meant to say was “CHERUB”… as in grape tomatoes.
Go ahead, Shop From Home, have yourself a good chuckle.
I would have laughed too if my three-year-old hadn’t been using my spleen as her personal trampoline during this conversation.
Because you see Shop From Home, I live a busy life.
Home from pre-school drop-off, my husband walked in the door from working the graveyard shift at 10am.
With my delivery window set to end at 11, my sleep-deprived husband stayed awake an extra hour to help me bring in 4 totes full of groceries.
If I am being totally honest, my load seemed kind of light.
Once we unpacked, we realized you had forgotten my watermelon and ice cream.
NO, I AM NOT PREGNANT.
Of course, however, you remembered to charge me for them.
When I called the store about the missing items you kept me on hold for 18 minutes.
I had to speak to 4 different people about my missing melon and Haagen Daz only to be promised they would be re-delivered by 1pm.
As I sat there…waiting… I could feel my blood pressure rising.
Because I gotta ask Shop From Home, WHAT GIVES?
You charge me $12 bucks to do my shopping and 80% of the time something is either missing, rotten or just plain wrong.
I know good help is hard to find, but do you put any effort into training these people?
I mean, seriously?
How do you misplace a 6-pound watermelon?
Don’t you teach your employees how to mind their melons?
And while we’re on the subject of produce, shouldn’t your employees be taught the difference between ‘green’ and ‘yellow’ bananas?
Because having to explain to my 3 year old why she needs to wait 3 days to eat your ‘green’ bananas is excruciating.
Go ahead, judge me.
I want you to hear me when I say this.
Are you listening Shop From Home?
When I tell you “NO SUBSTITUTIONS” you best be belivin’ I mean “NO SUBSTITUTIONS.”
Allow me to simplify this concept for you.
When I order my double stuffed Oreos and you send me “Reduced Fat Double Stuffed Oreos” you are literally ripping my heart out.
Those two cookies ARE NOT EVEN REMOTELY THE SAME THING!
Any mother will tell you, nobody wants to dunk some reduced fat “anything” after wrangling two toddlers all damned day.
Do you feel my pain Shop From Home?
Are you getting it?
My watermelon and my ice cream never got redelivered today at 1 pm.
Why? Because you forgot about me.
Maybe you thought it wasn’t important.
Maybe you just didn’t care.
I had to call the store again and speak to a manager, who after raising my blood pressure yet again, reluctantly refunded my money and that $12 dollar delivery fee.
But you want to know who didn’t forget?
That little girl who was in pre-school all day and walked into the house expecting a piece of that watermelon.
You see, her mommy, AKA your “obnoxious” customer, doesn’t have the luxury of getting into a car and driving to your store.
Because I can’t.
I’m blind and I CAN’T DRIVE.
And YES, not driving SUCKS!
And that’s the thing, Shop From Home – I think you’re missing the bigger picture here and perhaps your staff is too.
People order from you out of convenience and necessity.
Your service allows busy working people to spend their free time doing other things rather than walking your store’s isles.
In my case, it’s not about “not” wanting to go shopping.
Hell, two kid-free hours in your store would be the equivalent of a European vacation for me!
I use your service because I have no other options.
My husband works all the time.
I have no family.
There is NO VILLAGE.
The idea of taking an Uber with two car seats, two kids, and a guide dog, isn’t all that appealing to me.
At the risk of sounding too dramatic, I’d rather starve.
I’m sure many of your elderly customers mirror my sentiments.
Have you thought about how important you are to them?
Shouldn’t that motivate you to want to “BE” better?
Don’t you want to “DO” better?
We’re at a crossroads now Shop From Home.
I gotta say, even after this rant, I’m still kind of bitter about my missing melon and ice cream.
I don’t know how we can continue this relationship without some trust.
This momma feels a lack of respect, which is causing my “remaining good eye” to wander.
Amazon Fresh is lookin’ MIGHTY GOOD these days.
I know the grass isn’t always greener – but screw up one more time and it’s going to be over between us and you’ll be dead to me.
Don’t let me go, Shop From Home.
See the error of your ways so we can put this all behind us.
You’ve got one more shot to get it right.
Thanks For Listening,
Holly Bonner, Blind Motherhood