Surviving the Terrible Twos

Surviving the Terrible Twos

I have a confession to make. I think my youngest child is trying to kill me.That’s right, she wants me dead. No, I’m not exaggerating. I am absolutely convinced my darling Aoife wants her mommy six feet under. At first I thought she may have been after my money, but I remembered I don’t have any. Then I wondered if she wanted to live with her beloved grandparents, but even they don’t want to be around her behavior. Who can blame them? Everything that comes out of this child’s mouth is “No,” “I Won’t,” “I Can’t” or “I Not.” Oh, and every now and then she likes to throw in,“Because you’re a bad momma, that’s why.” This out the mouth of the child I carried in my womb for nine months and bare the C-section scar for. Ingrate! The term “terrible-twos” does not due my daughter any justice.

Terrible Two’s:

Let me tell you, this child DOES NOT CARE. I have yelled at her, punished her, taken toys away from her, put her in time out and even given her a spanking. Go ahead, judge me! Spend an hour in my house and trust me, you’ll want to slap yourself!

Nothing, I mean absolutely nothing, phases her! Aoife just smiles at me like a Cheshire cat and goes about her business leaving a path of destruction in her wake. And this has been going on since March.

Poor Nuala gets the brunt of it. Aoife is so nasty towards her sister and the two of them fight like cats and dogs… the rabid kind. And while there have been days “Mostly Wonderful” and I try to let them duke it out and settle things themselves, Aoife is just too damned physically strong!  Although she’s 20 months younger than Nuala, when it coms to a fight, she always has the upper hand. It’s literally the WWF smack down – smack in the middle of my living room!

I am DONE! So, so done.

The Lego Assault:

This afternoon I was sitting at my kitchen table with my laptop open. My daughters got into one of their silly arguments and decided it would be fun to hurl Lego Duplo’s at one another.  Of course, I got off my chair and yelled at them to stop, telling them it was not safe to throw things in the house. Nuala listened, no questions asked. Aoife, on the other hand, decided to launch a sneak attack.

Terrible Twos

Yup, you guessed it! My two-year-old assaulted me with a Lego. She whipped some bricks at the back of my head with such force, she actually drew blood. I saw stars! And that’s saying something coming from a mother who only has 20/900 vision in one eye!

I told her she was going to be punished for hurting me.

Aoife’s response, “You no punish me; I punish you.” 

This was war and I needed reinforcements, so I called for my husband who was absolutely livid when he saw I was hurt.  More parental explaining, followed by more yelling, then more toys being taken away, timers were set for time-out and tears ensued. In the end I still don’t know who was more traumatized, me of Aoife.

Blind Mom Confession – The Terrible Twos: 

For the past few months, “Mostly Wonderful” and I have felt like we’re losing our minds!  Every day is a battle, and despite being the adults in this situation, our curly haired little girl has more moxie than the two of us combined.

So why am I airing my dirty laundry on Blind Motherhood?

Because I want you to know, I can not control my kid! 

There, I said it!  I CAN’T! 

She is an unpredictable force of nature and I have no idea what the hell I am going to do with her!

I may be a mommy blogger, but I don’t pretend to have all the answers!

I am not the toddler whisper!

Either one of my kids can implode at the drop of a hat.

And trust me, when your entourage includes a guide dog, you’re definitely going to get some unwanted attention during your kid’s meltdown!

My kids aren’t perfect.

My marriage isn’t perfect.

My house isn’t perfect.

I’M NOT PERFECT!

I love Aoife; but right now, in this phase of development, I really don’t like her very much.

And you know what; I’m tired.

I am so fricken’ exhausted playing referee to my daughters.

Every.

Single.

Day.

I know the chaos of my life right now has nothing to do with my visual impairment. But it has everything to do with the fact that parenting can be an absolute circus. One day you’re the ring master and the next day you’re the monkey.

So if you’re like me, in the throws of hell right now – let’s try to support one another.

Don’t be a Judgey McJuderson, sighted or blind.

If you don’t have kids, or have never lived with a terrible two-year-old – perhaps it’s better you don’t say anything.

A good rule of thumb is if you’re going to start your sentence with “I’m not trying to judge you but,” then you really need to stop talking.

F.Y.I that rule applies to posts on social media as well.

Perhaps, a more productive alternative to judgement would be to offer your friend or fellow parent a much needed break.

Give them 20 minutes to take a hot shower. 

Drop them off a Starbucks pumpkin-spice anything.

Or just send them a text that reads, “How was your day?” 

We need to let each other know, “Hey, I’ve got your back.”

The terrible twos have been tough. With Aoife’s birthday approaching this October, I can only hope we move onto better behavior. I remain cautiously optimistic.

In the meantime, if any you brave souls would like to offer to babysit my darling child, feel free to comment below.  However, “Mostly Wonderful” and I must insist you bring your own helmet! Remember, she’s got one hell of an arm with those Legos!

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